It’s hard to get inspired to write when you have a best friend, who also blogs, is in many ways your life experience soulmate and always thinks of the good ideas before you. Well, I’m going to take her lead and run with it today. Here’s my version of Generation Granny’s “A Mother’s Day Perspective From Someone Who Lost Her Mom.” Take a second to read it, or my post might not make much sense. 😉
While Shannon spoke of days like Mother’s Day not particularly affecting her more than any other, in regards to missing her late mother…I tend to feel the opposite. It’s almost been 12 years since I lost my mommy, Judy Rose, and it’s almost embarrassing to say that I’m not sure if a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about her.
However, there’s a big part of me that feels like losing my mom, albeit terrible, should be no different from other loss or disappointments in life. You bomb a job interview, spill red wine on your favorite white dress, you lose your favorite childhood stuffed animal during a move – what do you do? You put a life-size Band-Aid on it and you move on, right? I’d probably get an eye roll and a “get over it” from friends if I spent 12 years lamenting the fact that I can’t find Fluffy the Bear. Boop.
It seems harsh, but why is losing a family member or a friend that much different? I go back and forth in my head and finally settle on: it just is – maybe only so I feel a little bit better about not being able to “get over it.” This is where holidays come in. Special events and holidays are a glaring example of what you’re missing. And if what you’re missing is your Mom, pretty much everything is an excuse to be sad.
I was driving down the road with my husband the other day, fixing my makeup in the mirror. I felt tears welling up in my eyes as I thought back to watching my Mom put on her makeup. I tried pulling myself together before he inevitably asked what was wrong. But, I always try to share my feelings with him, so I just blubberingly blurted out: “I’m thinking about my Mom. I wish you could have met her!” He just held my hand and sweetly said, “Me too.”
Well, holidays give me a “pass” to be sad, and today, I am.
May through July is a particularly hard time for me as it has contained Miss USA, Miss D.C., my high school and college graduations, numerous Mother’s Days, my birthdays, family vacations, etc. and the date of my Mother’s passing. I’ve had a lot of crying passes. July and August contain my brother’s birthdays, September holds my aunt’s (my Mom’s closest sister), father’s and mother’s birthdays. Then comes November (Thanksgiving), December (Christmas), January (another New Year without my Mom), then I get a break until May again.
So, that’s 3ish months of not having “special days” to remind me that I’m living my life without my precious Mom.
And, unlike Shannon, I’m not sure if I do a good job at expressing my need for support during these moments. I put up a tough exterior, I move forward with my life and I think people often forget that these moments are hard. Being alone, even with a cry-pass, isn’t fun.
Now that I’ve moved abroad, 4,000 miles from my closest friends and family, my poor husband is my lone emotional sounding board. (Sorry, honey.) Not to sound too terribly weepy here – I have so many amazing friends who have been there when I needed them the most. I also have an amazing step-mother, Sherry Rose, who is the glue that holds our family together and has been an incredible sense of comfort and love in all of our lives. But, being away from your support system is tough, especially on Mother’s Day.
So, what’s my point here? Aside from admitting that I’m a cry-pass abuser? It’s to remind all of you out there to take a moment on this Mother’s Day to appreciate the moms in your life (real moms, aunts, grandmas, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, etc.). Also, make sure to give an extra hug, a call, a text or a smile to those who are mom-less – you never know if they really need it.
Happy Mother’s Day to Judy Rose, Sherry Rose and all of the amazing women in my life who have stepped up and helped be a mom when I needed them the most.
And Happy Mother’s Day to all of you who took the time to read and be part of All-in with Allyn!
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